Friday, 13 February 2009

Steam Room

I was just sitting in the steam room at lunch time at the gym, half asleep, when I picked up on a random conversation.

An extremely camp actor type older gentlemen, who I didn't recognise, was talking to a young fellow. Firstly I'll point out that he said the phrase "my agent" three times in the first four minutes which pissed me off immediately. Secondly, he claimed to have a second home, which he didn't use and stood empty, on which he was paying a mortgage of £13,000 A MONTH.

Being the boring man that I am, I plugged this into a few online mortgage calculators when I got back to the office, and discovered that at the best rate, I could borrow a cheeky 3 million loan for my 13k. An interest only deal would pump this up to 7 million. I'd like to see our actor friend's primary residence.

The conclusion has to be one of the following:

A) He was talking bollocks, in an attempt to woo either the lithe young Brazilian guy or indeed Big Jimbo.
B) He was somehow operating by a similar set of rules as Jacqui Smith, our esteemed home secretary and MP for Redditch (*).
C) I need to get myself a new agent. My poker agent "Honest Dave", has so far mustered a mind boggling £400 of sponsorship for me so far in 11 months.

(*) Please note: I am not accusing Ms Smith of breaking the law on MP expenses in any way, shape or form. I am merely pointing out that, whilst acting within the law, she is a parasite and symptomatic of UK Politics decline into self serving mediocrity.

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